U.S. parents are stressed and need support

Parenting is challenging — and the challenges differ from stage to stage of a child’s development. Whether its difficulties setting a good sleep cycle when children are infants, getting toddlers to use their words, setting boundaries with adolescents, or struggling to feel confident when a new driver heads out the door, there are many reasons parents might feel stress.

However, according to a recent advisory issued by US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, parents are now more likely than ever to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults. And those high levels of stress have consistently increased over the last decade.

Why are parents so stressed?

Current pressures, Dr. Murthy reports, include not only familiar stressors, such as worrying about finances and kids’ health and safety, but also new stressors, such as navigating technology and social media, a mental health crisis among young people, and what he calls an “epidemic of loneliness” affecting both kids and their guardians.

“These stressors appear to align with research looking at time and generational changes,” says Dr. Kelsey Bradshaw, a clinical psychologist for the Child and Adolescent Inpatient Program at Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital. “Specifically, we’re noticing a trend toward parents being more involved; working to be more intentional with parenting approaches; monitoring children more closely; balancing work, life, parenting and finances — and doing all of this in the digital age.”

Generally speaking, Dr. Bradshaw says, these practices can lead to increased parental stress due to the level of investment and potential to over-analyze or be critical of every step or action parents take.

“On top of this, when you work a 40-hour week, have a commute, and have to be aware of the high cost of living, you have plenty of things to occupy your time and stress over,” he says. “Then you think about kids’ activities, being a ‘good parent,’ and the daily demands of keeping up with a household and family. This can add a lot of pressure — and there are only so many hours in a day and week.”

How parental stress affects children

When stress is prolonged, it can affect the mental health of parents and, in turn, their children. In general, Dr. Bradshaw says, whatever is going on with a parent will directly or indirectly affect their child.

“It can be anything from minor changes the child may pick up on, to the parent being burnt out and unable to support their child due to lack of self-care or responding to stress in a way that involves reacting to their children in a manner that can be rupturing to the parent-child relationship,” he says.

Children and teens are very perceptive. If parents are not open about their own stressors in a developmentally appropriate way, and modeling how to cope in a healthy way, Dr. Bradshaw warns that children can be impacted.

“Parents should consider how much time is invested in their various roles and identify opportunities to shift some of their focus and time,” he says. “Practicing self-care; taking time for your romantic relationship, friendships and hobbies; and considering finding a therapist can help. We must move away from the ‘grind culture’ — the belief we always have to be busy — and toward better work-life balance.”

How communities can help reduce parental stress

The surgeon general’s advisory highlights that the work of parenting is essential for the health of children as well as the health and future of society, so changes are crucial. “Better supporting parents will require policy changes and expanded community programs that will help ensure parents and caregivers can get paid time off to be with a sick child, secure affordable childcare, access reliable mental health care, and benefit from places and initiatives that support social connection and community,” it states.

The results of a 2016 study underscored the importance of these supports. The study found that in countries with good social support, such as good maternity leave, universal childcare and access to mental health services, a dip in parental happiness doesn't occur. In fact, people have increases in well-being when they have children in those countries. “According to this study, the US has the fewest social safety nets, which likely contributes to our dip in parental happiness,” Dr. Bradshaw says.

Additionally, Dr. Bradshaw points out that the lack of these supports — and parental stress, in general — often affects women more than men. A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that although women’s financial contributions have drastically increased over the past 50 years, the way couples divide household and caregiving responsibilities remains unbalanced. In marriages where both spouses earn between 40% and 60% of their combined earnings, husbands spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do, and wives spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving and about 2.5 hours more on housework than husbands.

“While we can offer ideas for how to support the individual, our country must increase support for needs such as universal childcare, access to mental health services and increased parental leave for when children are born,” Dr. Bradshaw says. “We have much to learn from those who work as a collective. Remember the adage, ‘It takes a village.’”

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