Opinion: Monitoring your teen on social media is healthy

Dr. Kelsey Bradshaw is a clinical psychologist for the Child and Adolescent Inpatient Program at Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital. A version of this essay was originally published in The San Diego Union-Tribune.

Social media isn’t innately bad for children — but monitoring is essential.

Smartphones are ubiquitous among young people. In the United States, 95% of teens ages 13 to 17 have access to a smartphone — a device that usually contains social media. A third of this teenage group has a social media account, and nearly 40% of children ages 8 to 12 use social media.

While there’s no magical age for giving a child a smartphone, parents or guardians should consider various factors. One is when they’d want their child to use it, such as in emergencies or on outings. Another is their child’s demonstrated responsibility level — for example, their ability to complete chores or homework.

The constant exposure to embellished appearances on social media can cause comparisons to others, resulting in envy or shame. As young people figure out their identities during their formative years, these experiences can add to their challenges.

Additionally, vitriolic comments, cyberbullying, and sexual and violent content on social media can lead to poor mental health in children. All this has prompted U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy to say social media use is a mental health problem, and the platforms should come with a warning label.

Yet the flurry of likes and shares contributes to social media’s addictive allure, making many young people check their phones constantly. In 2023, 97% of youths ages 11 to 17 used their phones during the school day. Due to smartphones’ distracting capabilities and potential harm to mental health, many schools have banned them.

However, it’s important to note that social media is not innately bad for our youth. While its use is universally not recommended for children under 13, parents should decide on a case-by-case basis. Social media effects depend on each child’s level of maturity, vulnerabilities and upbringing.

Social media use can also have benefits, including finding a sense of belonging and exploring or advancing interests and hobbies. For example, LGBTQIA+ youth can connect with peers who provide each other with support and empathy, thereby boosting their mental health and psychological development.

With these potential risks and benefits in mind, I encourage parents and guardians to help their children develop healthy screen time habits:

• Start discussions about social media use early, negotiate limits and boundaries, and revise them as children mature.

• Keep devices in public areas of the house when possible and set the amount of screen time permitted each day.

• Make a family rule to put away devices before meals and bedtime. Smartphones can disrupt quality sleep, which is essential for neurological development and emotional regulation.

• Require children to ask for permission before installing an app and request their login information. Check for unapproved activities, such as adding suspicious friends, receiving questionable messages, or posting unkind content.

• Ensure a balanced lifestyle for children, one that includes sufficient physical activity and screen-free hobbies.

Parents should also be vigilant about detecting and limiting the harmful effects of smartphone use among their children. Set app privacy levels to the most restrictive and use a trusted security app to limit strangers viewing your children’s account as well as your children’s exposure to inappropriate content. Concerning behavioral signs include spending excessive effort, lying or showing deceptive behavior to retain access to devices; losing significant relationships; and changing academic performance.

Some children may experience anxiety or depression due to problematic smartphone use. While anxiety can show up as excessive worry or avoidance of activities, other symptoms include irritability and highly controlling behavior. Irritability can also be a symptom of depression. Other signs of depression include aggression, excessive fatigue and changes in eating and sleeping.

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help by talking with your child’s pediatrician, primary care doctor or family therapist. As a father of three, I empathize with parents and guardians who want the best for their children. Raising young people in this digital age can be challenging, but our efforts to help guide our children are worthwhile and meaningful. To quote Benjamin Franklin: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

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