From ‘rock bottom’ to recovery

Since he was a young child, Michael Stoeff has been drawn to odd jobs. In third grade, he earned $50 a week working for his grandfather’s small engine repair shop. In his teens and early adulthood, he ran an aquarium shop, swept chimneys, cleaned swimming pools, worked at an amusement park and even started his own construction business.

But it was during his most recent employment, as a forklift operator, that Michael experienced a significant setback. He dislocated his shoulder on the job. This led to surgery after surgery to repair, and eventually replace, his shoulder.

A total of five surgeries, one that led to an infection, lead to intense physical and emotional pain. It also put him out of work for nearly two and a half years.

On top of that, Michael was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression stemming from past childhood traumas, compounded with the aftermath of his surgeries.

“There was so much going on with the pain, being out of work and all this other stuff,” recalls Michael. “My doctors had me on major pain pills throughout my surgeries. I was also prescribed medical marijuana.”

Although the pain relievers and marijuana were intended to provide relief from his surgical procedures, Michael began taking them in excess, along with alcohol, to dull the hurt brought on by ongoing PTSD and depression.

“My PTSD was so bad. I was imagining things going on that weren’t really happening, and I thought people were talking about me, even if they weren’t,” says Michael. “I smoked so much marijuana it was ridiculous. If it was in my hands, it went straight to my mouth. I did this to help with all the pain and anxiety.”

The substance use and mental health issues Michael was dealing with led to brain fog and memory loss. At times, they also led to blackouts. Last April, during a road trip with his wife, Michael had accidentally damaged his truck by backing into a pole. This led to a chain of events that finally brought him to what he calls his “rock bottom.”

“I got into road rage, got PTSD and blacked out,” says Michael. “I eventually got my truck home and had a bottle of booze that I drank along with a bunch of pills.”

Road back to himself

Michael ended up at Sharp Grossmont Hospital’s emergency room. Before leaving the hospital, staff referred him to Sharp Grossmont’s Intensive Outpatient Therapy Program, specifically the Dual Treatment Program for people dealing with mental health issues and substance use.

The intensive outpatient programs (IOPs) at Sharp Grossmont Hospital and Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital are offered in a group therapy format along with medication management. The group sessions are led by licensed therapists, including licensed marriage and family therapists, licensed clinical social workers and psychologists.

Michael has been in the program for a few months now, but already feels the difference it has had on his life.

“Being in this group has been the most amazing thing,” says Michael. “I have been seeing my own personal therapist for years, and that helps. But in this group therapy program, you get to understand other people’s pain—and I think that helps more.”

Michael says he has found another family, what he calls his “group family” of people he can talk to and relate with. “Now I can tell people what I’ve been feeling and going through, and not hold it within my chest,” he says. “I didn’t feel I could do that before.”

Tools for success

Along with finding encouragement in a group therapy setting, Michael credits the techniques and skills he has learned from the program for managing his PTSD and depression. He keeps a folder from the program that includes various exercises on meditation, breathing and visualization.

“Now, if something bad happens in life, I go to my folder with all my tools,” Michael says. “I open it up and use it. By the time I am at my third tool, I’m not thinking about things anymore and am calming down. Little things aren’t tragedies anymore because my brain is able to rest.”

Michael now practices abstinence from alcohol and other substances. Having grown up most of his life in the country, he also finds peace in nature.

He enjoys tending his bountiful garden, going on hikes and volunteering on a farm. All of this, combined with what he has learned from the intensive outpatient therapy sessions, has given him a new perspective on life.

“I think you see things brighter when you have tools to fix yourself,” says Michael. “The colors around you seem brighter, life seems brighter. When you can calm yourself down, it is amazing.”

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