3 things to tell yourself when you need an ego boost

Sometimes we can be our own biggest critic. In our efforts to push and challenge ourselves, we may develop unrealistic expectations, which can have the opposite effect, causing us to feel worse about ourselves instead of better. The use of negative self-talk can act as a self-fulfilling prophecy and make it hard to muster the confidence to tell yourself in a tough situation, “I’ve got this.”

Having confidence and healthy self-esteem has numerous benefits, including increasing your ability to express your needs and opinions, helping you form secure and honest relationships, and increased resiliency in stressful situations. The good news is that you don’t have to be an inspirational speaker to know how to talk yourself up and boost your self-confidence.

Lindsay Damoose, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Sharp HealthCare, shares three things you can tell yourself when you need an ego boost.

1. “I can’t control everything.”
   “Sometimes, the key to finding that inner confidence is recognizing that things are not always going to be within your control,” says Damoose.
   You’ve studied for that test, you’ve prepared for that meeting — you are ready. Focusing on the “what ifs” will only lead to undue stress. When you feel your confidence falter, remind yourself how prepared you are for the challenges that lie ahead.
   “There are only so many things in life we can control and recognizing this gives us freedom to be human,” says Damoose. “You’ve likely handled worse things before, so remember how capable and resilient you are when things seem unknown.”
    

2. “I know I can do this.”
   When stress and anxiety strike, it can be easy to focus on negative thoughts. Instead, practice positive self-talk and reframe your internal conversation.
   Think about your accomplishments and the things you have done that make you feel proud. Focusing on what you know you can do — rather than what you fear you can’t do — will help you have courage to overcome an obstacle.
   “Repeating encouraging self-statements on a daily basis has many benefits and really does work in boosting confidence in yourself because you’re focusing on the positive and filtering out the negative,” says Damoose.
    

3. “It’s OK if I make a mistake.”
   Often the pressure we feel when faced with important tasks comes from the fear that we will mess up or do something wrong. Mistakes happen and dwelling on them does not help boost confidence or self-esteem.
   It is important to forgive yourself for past mistakes and think of them as learning opportunities. Ask yourself what you have learned from that mistake and use that information to do the best you can in your current situation.
   “I haven’t met a lot of successful people who haven’t had some major setbacks along the way,” says Damoose. “We usually don’t learn much about ourselves when we’re comfortable. The key is to take advantage of these opportunities and give yourself a little grace at the same time.”

Keep these three phrases in mind the next time you need to bolster your confidence level. The more you change the way you think, it will improve the way you feel about yourself. Maintaining awareness of how you talk to yourself and making the commitment to improve your self-esteem are well within your reach.